BY Seth Kolloen 01:00PM 05/06/2011

Kolloen: Free Figgins Now

Fellow fans, Mariners second baseman Chone Figgins is too amazing to keep to ourselves.

It's been bumpy for Chone Figgins at third base this year. / Drew Sellers, Sportspress Northwest

As a Seattle Mariners season ticket holder, I feel a little guilty. For one year and one month now, I’ve been privy to the singular baseball experience that is Chone Figgins.

Whenever I see the 5-foot-8 Figgins take a huge swing at a high fastball and drive it nearly 120 feet, I think: “Shouldn’t we be sharing this with the world?”

Figgins is sheer excitement. He keeps his average so low that he can raise it drastically in a matter of days! And on those rare occasions when he does reach base, he provides unexpected thrills by getting picked off — three times just last week! That’s our Figgy.

Watching Figgins field is almost as heart-racing. Official scorers have charged Figgins with just four errors this year, but that doesn’t include all the playable but difficult balls he permits to bounce off his glove for singles.

And he provides excitement off the field too, sulking when he’s benched, then starting fights in the dugout and helping to get his manager fired.

Keeping Figgins to ourselves just isn’t fair. Maybe we could have him go on a tour of American cities this summer. I suggest we start by sending him to Tacoma, then Jackson, Tenn., then San Bernardino, Calif., then Clinton, Iowa, then Pulaski, Va, then Everett. And if he felt worn out after all that traveling, he could just take the rest of the year off.

I guess if Figgins were gone the Mariners might have to give more playing time to Adam Kennedy, who’s got the second-highest slugging percentage on the team, or Luis Rodriguez, who has as many walks as the supposedly discerning Figgins despite 70 fewer plate appearances, or promote talented top prospect Dustin Ackley. We’d also never get to hear “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit’ It” at Safeco Field again, which is too bad because that 13-year-old song is the kind of trendy music that brings young fans to the stadium.

Hey, I never said this would be painless. Sometimes you just have to do the right thing. Free Figgins now!


  • Tim

    How are we expected to enjoy the game without hearing “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit’ It?” That vague reference to Figgins’ name is what gets me ready for a late inning rally.

  • Drew

    I want to know if he (still) feels that being moved to 3rd was a “demotion”… that’s one I’ll give A-Rod–don’t remember hearing that sentiment with the decision to move one of the most productive SS (in history) to 3rd…and I don’t think it affected his productivity (either)…(or. Ripken).

    It is nice to see his glove starting to come around (hopefully)…now if he could get his timing (at the plate) synched. Come on CHAMBLISS….channel a little Bob Horner into your protégé!

    • Tim

      He was originally a 3rd baseman that we moved to second base last year when we (for some reason) shifted Jose Lopez from 2nd to 3rd. So now he has no excuses for feeling uncomfortable in his position.

  • Skysport

    Figgins best friends have been the official scorers. If Figgy has to move his feet more than your typical statue they call it a “hit”. Sometimes even when the ball hits him (which is not very often because he acts like it’s an atomic hand grenade) they still call it a hit! If there’s a hot shot coming his way he’ll take a stab at it, but he won’t get in front of it. He’ll blow it a kiss, but he won’t get in front of it. He’ll wish it well on its journey, but he won’t get in front of it. Did you know that you’re not supposed to get in front of ground balls? Yep. It’s in the rule book. The rule book that Figgy wrote and keeps in his back pocket. You’re only supposed to “pick” the ball like it’s a carrot in a garden. And if you don’t come up with anything, no problem, because your best friends the officials scorers will call it a “hit”.

  • Beacon Hill Pasta Boy

    Figgins is another M’s bust. Dump him and “power” DH, Jack Cust. Jack has no home runs in 28 games and is hitting sparkling 200.

  • Roscoe

    I think errors should be renamed “figginses” and a dumb play could be a Chone head move.