The Seahawks trimmed the roster to 53 Saturday, leaving the Griffin brothers and the kickers as the most compelling story lines of 2018. Jon Ryan needs to return as court jester.
The Seahawks reached the 53-player limit on Saturday’s mandatory cut-down day. They made a couple of small trades, acquiring a backup safety and a backup tight end, but didn’t do anything drastic in response to their 0-4 fake-football record, such as paying FS Earl Thomas a billionty-billion dollars.
Nevertheless, we are certain that Pete Carroll will say sometime this week he’s “excited” about the 2018 season. Because if doesn’t say it, it would be like gravity stopped working and we’d all fly off into space.
Russell Wilson, Brett Hundley.
CUT: Austin Davis, Alex McGough.
Maybe Hundley will be the next great ex-Green Bay backup QB to flourish in Seattle. Because once Wilson gets close to free agency, owner Paul Allen will trade him before he goes broke paying him, so Hundley needs to think about becoming the starter.
Chris Carson, Rashaad Penny, C.J. Prosise, Mike Davis, J.D. McKissic.
CUT: Gerald Holmes, Justin Stockton.
McKissic (broken foot) is already out several weeks. By December, this cursed unit will be down to Thomas Rawls (cut by the Jets) and Radar O’Reilly.
The Seahawks never were the same after FB Michael Robinson no longer was the interpreter for Marshawn Lynch.
Nick Vannett, Will Dissly, Darrell Daniels. Non-football injury list: Ed Dickson.
CUT: Tyrone Swoopes, Clayton Wilson, Kyle Carter.
Ex-Huskies TE Daniels was acquired Saturday because Dickson is the new leader in the clubhouse for the J’Marcus Webb Free Agent Futility Award.
Doug Baldwin, Tyler Lockett, Jaron Brown, David Moore, Brandon Marshall.
CUT: Amara Darboh, Cyril Grayson, Damore’ea Stringfellow, Caleb Scott, Keenan Reynolds, Malik Turner, Marvin Bracy.
Darboh, who probably will be brought back to the practice squad, nevertheless represents another draft bust, a 2017 third-rounder in the traditional Seahawks role of great athlete but overrated football player. Marcus Johnson was traded Saturday to the Portland Trail Blazers to team with Kevin Calabro on the broadcasts, reuniting the best tandem in Seattle broadcasting history.
Justin Britt, Ethan Pocic, Germain Ifedi, D.J. Fluker, Duane Brown, George Fant, Rees Odhiambo, J.R. Sweezy, Joey Hunt.
CUT: Isaiah Battle, Jordan Roos, Willie Beavers, Skyler Phillips, Marcus Henry. Injured reserve: Jamarco Jones.
All you need to know about this group is that Pete Carroll fired their coaches, and expects improvements. So when they screw up this year, Carroll will fire himself.
Jarran Reed, Frank Clark, Nazair Jones, Rasheem Green, Dion Jordan, Tom Johnson, Branden Jackson, Shamar Stephen, Quinton Jefferson, Poona Ford. Injured reserve: Erik Walden.
CUT: Ricky Ali’ifua, Joey Ivie.
Three things to know: None of them is Michael Bennett or Cliff Avril, Walden played one exhibition game and is done for the year, and undrafted free agent Ford, at 5-foot-11 and 310 pounds, has given up his day job as a kitchen appliance.
Bobby Wagner, K.J. Wright, Shaquem Griffin, Barkevious Mingo, Jacob Martin, Austin Calitro.
CUT: Emmanuel Beal, Jake Pugh, D.J. Alexander, Jason Hall.
In light of K.J. Wright’s arthroscopic knee surgery, rookie Griffin will take his place, joining his brother, cornerback Shaq, in the starting lineup. Expect “Good Morning America” and “The Today Show” to parachute in platoons of human-interest reporters for 24/7 coverage.
Shaquill Griffin, Justin Coleman, Tre Flowers, Dontae Johnson, Neiko Thorpe. Injured reserve: Byron Maxwell.
CUT: Akeem King, Trovon Reed, Jeremy Boykins, Elijah Battle.
Johnson was mostly mediocre last year as a 13-game starter for a bad 49ers defense. And it looks like he’ll start opposite Shaq Griffin. See: Daniel Vogelbach, Mariners.
Bradley McDougald, Delano Hill, Tedric Thompson, Shalom Luani. Reserve / did not report list: Earl Thomas.
CUT: Tevon Mutcherson (injured), Lorenzo Jerome, Mike Tyson, Maurice Alexander.
This is how bad the unit is: The Seahawks traded with the Raiders Saturday to acquire Luani, a former Washington State defender. That’s like hiring a heavy smoker to join the natural-gas installation crew.
Sebastian Janikowski, Michael Dickson, Tyler Ott.
Might be the most upgraded unit and easily the most entertaining. Which is a pathetic thing to write.