Well, who wouldn't want a zippy drone delivering a kale/arugula smoothie from Whole Foods to your seat at the Clink, then after the Seahawks game, take a Blue Origin space shuttle into low earth orbit to beat the Seattle traffic?

All this and more can be yours, 12s, once Jeff Bezos buys the Seahawks.

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Veteran Seahawks fans by now know well one of the principal verses in the Book of First Carrollians: You can't win the game in the first quarter. You can't win the game in the second quarter. You can't win the game in the third quarter. You can win the game in the fourth quarter.

But the latest two weeks of evidence may require a modest change in the sacrament:

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When your children's children's children hear you talk about the Monday Night Football game of Eleven Eleven Nineteen, they will whisper among themselves: "How come the implant in his brain doesn't shut off the babble?"

The oldest child explains, "That is the only one the government allows to pass. It keeps them happy."

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As someone who has spent a good chunk of life dealing with addiction, WR Josh Gordon knows a little bit about hard tasks. So mastering a playbook from a new football team would seem a trifle. But that too is a lift.

“I’ve had to do it a few times with different coaches, different teams obviously," he said Saturday after practice, his first media session since the Seahawks surprised the NFL this week by claiming him off waivers from New England. "It can be difficult. It can be hard on the fly.

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Richard Sherman would love nothing better than to help San Francisco, a franchise he helped crater starting in 2013, do this season to the Seahawks what his old club had done to the 49ers for much of the decade: Step on their throats and twist.

Sherman, a California native, Stanford grad and Seattle-area resident, then could say he helped weaponize and vaporize his two favorite NFL franchises. The ultimate power trip.

Aren't revenge games fun?

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Besides the win, the Seahawks earned something else Sunday in beating, barely, Tampa Bay: Knowledge that C Joey Hunt, DK Metcalf and TE Jake Hollister can be reliable players, and that there's room for newcomer WR Josh Gordon in the offense, should he deign to be a regular participant in practice.

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Russell Wilson. Fercripesakes.

In terms of mastery of craft, the Seahawks quarterback is approaching a level of enlightenment that is thrilling to the point of chilling.

On the final three possessions of a preposterous 40-34 overtime win over Tampa Bay Sunday, he took the Seahawks on scoring drives of 75, 48 and 70 yards. Except PK Jason Myers missed a potential game-winning field goal on the middle drive, necessitating the third drive in OT.

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Richard Sherman, meet new Seahawk Josh Gordon. Josh, meet ex-Seahawk Richard.

See you both at a high point in the end zone on a Monday night.

In three sentences, that's largely why the Seahawks would hire a messed-up dude like Gordon, waived Thursday by the New England Patriots.

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One of the most remarkable things about the NFL is how swiftly things that seem solid turn to pudding.

Look at the 1-7 Atlanta Falcons, who blew a 28-3 lead and lost a Super Bowl to New England two years ago, and now the franchise's bones are bleaching in the Georgia sun. Consider the undefeated San Francisco 49ers this year, coming from the latest (4-12) in a string of reliably wretched seasons to instantly become the early-1990s Dallas Cowboys.

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Pete Carroll answered in a light-hearted manner. But as is often the case, truth lurks beneath the humor.

To the question of whether the final hours prior to the NFL's trade deadline at 1 p.m. Tuesday was going to be hectic, the Seahawks coach answered, "I don't think it's going to entertain me as much as I would like. It seems kinda quiet. As much as we worked to get to this point, we're kinda hoping things start picking up a little bit."

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Sunday in Atlanta, the narrative of the game foreshadowed precisely the season: Good first half, and who the hell knows about the second half.

The Seahawks are 6-2 after the 27-20 blowout-turned-passout triumph (box and video highlights) over the woebegone Falcons (1-7). Yet even The Man of Eternal Sunshine wasn't kidding himself.

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Napping at home in the Detroit suburbs with his three-month-old daughter, Quandre Diggs Tuesday was awakened by the abrupt rudeness of the NFL. The Seattle Seahawks had an emergency in their secondary, and he was chosen to bail them out. Bring buckets, water coming in fast.

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For those following the major sub-plot Sunday from the Clink stands, where the whole field can be seen, the verdict likely was unanimous. Earl Thomas wasn't the same. His famed lateral speed was reduced, and his tackling aggression seemed diminished. On one first-half play where he set up as usual, alone in the final third, he turned to head downfield by himself, tripped on his own feet and fell flat on his face.

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Looking for a trenchant statement about the events of the afternoon and its impact on the season, we turn to Seahawks WR Tyler Lockett, scorer Sunday of the Seahawks' only touchdown, although it was one of two TD passes thrown by Russell Wilson.

"The lesson was," he said, "you can't get away with everything."

Well put.

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However a Seattle fan may feel about the unceremonious end of the Seahawks career of Earl Thomas, you now have the knowledge that at least you're in his head.

"Yes, I've thought about it at night," Thomas told reporters in Baltimore Wednesday. "Hopefully they respect what I've done, and I'll get a couple cheers, not too many boos. And whatever happens, happens. But hopefully it's love."

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Besides the Seahawks at 5-1, only five other NFL teams have less than two losses: New England (6-0), San Francisco (5-0), New Orleans (5-1), Green Bay (5-1) and Buffalo (4-1). Though rewards are few in football for the claim of Misters October, it's at least comforting for 12s knowing that a climb out of the well is not an agenda item on the team's to-do list.

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Amid the shards, leaks, broken glass and trash fires of a 20-6 deficit Sunday in Cleveland against the irked Browns, it seemed apparent that as good as the record was, the 2019 Seahawks weren't going to be a dominant team. Just too many talent deficits to be championship caliber.

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The Seahawks offensive line is in injury trouble -- two starters, LT Duane Brown (biceps)  and RG D.J. Fluker (hamstring) are likely out of Sunday's game at Cleveland (10 a.m., FOX), and versatile backup Ethan Pocic was put on the injured reserve list with a back problem.

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A side benefit for Pete Carroll on Greg Zuerlein's missed field goal that re-ignited the Seahawks season Thursday was that it relegated a fan favorite, debating the coach's judgments on third and fourth downs, to also-ran status. The 30-29 outcome couldn't have been more narrow, but the narrative couldn't have changed more completely.

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After absorbing the astonishments, the gaffes, the greatness of stars and the resolve of scrubs, and exhilaration and despair often in consecutive plays across more than three hours of exquisite tension Thursday night, the Los Angeles Rams and Seattle Seahawks demonstrated why pro football can be so compelling.

And random. Or cosmic. Depends on your point of view.

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