Crystal Balls: Predictions for the week

Independent Women’s Football League Western Conference Championship:  Seattle Majestics (5-4)  v. Modesto Maniax (6-3), Kent-Meridian High School, 1 p.m.  Saturday.
PREDICTION: Not again! Football players are locked out… until Jenn’s dad arrives with the keys to the equipment shed.

Fullback Quisha Macauley of Yelm, who also plays defensive end, and the rest of Seattle’s eight All-Stars out-maniac the Maniax and earn the team’s first shot at a national title when they face defending champ Boston Militia in Round Rock, TX July 30. After smuggling a keg into the stands, UW frat boys leave the stadium disgruntled when they realize they were witnessing an actual football game instead of what they were expecting: women bumping into each other while stripped down to their underwear.

MLB:  All-Star Game in Phoenix Tuesday (FOX); Texas at Mariners Thursday – Sunday (ROOT)
PREDICTION: Superstar shortage forces MLB to consider rebranding the All-Star Game as the “Some Names You’ve Probably Heard Of” Game.

Because awarding World Series home field advantage to the winner of the All-Star Game isn’t incentive enough for fans to pick the best players, nor for the best players to show up, baseball commissioner Bud Selig offers a threat for next season: Randomly stocking the Gatorade containers in the losing league’s dugouts with peppermint schnapps.  American League relievers blow a narrow lead in the late innings, National League wins.

AL West play after the All-Star break further stratifies the division. While the Angels beat up on Oakland, the Mariners’ continuing helplessness on offense becomes exceptional, scoring only six runs during the four games against the division-leading Rangers. Seattle wraps the week a wretched 9.5 games out of first.

Women’s World Cup semifinals: USA v. France,  8:30 a.m. Wednesday, ESPN
Prediction: USA rides the wave, beats France 2-0.

The penalty kicks that ended Sunday’s USA-Brazil match was a suitable ending to a rollicking, controversial game that appeared on the verge of spiraling out of control. USA-France will pale in comparison to the psychological thrillers of both quarterfinal matches (France also beat England in penalty kicks) but will still be a good time. Both teams share offensive dominance and lackluster defensive lines, so look for an abundance of shots. But the scales tip for the Yanks because the USA has Hope.

WNBA:  Washington at Seattle Storm, KeyArena, noon Tuesday; at San Antonio 6 p.m. Thursday (ESPN2) and Minnesota 5 p.m. Saturday.
PREDICTION: Humble pie for the defending champs.

The thrill of having dealt a crushing defeat Saturday to the Candace Parker-less L.A. Sparks lingers through the day game against Washington. Elation, however, isn’t enough to cope with the conference’s No. 1 and 2 teams, their young legs and sassy swagger. The Storm’s struggles to fill the gaping hole left by an injured Lauren Jackson turn the road trip into a disastrous reality check.

NFL:  Negotiations to resolve labor lockout.
PREDICTION: They continue. Yawn.