The Seahawks appear poised to pull victory from the jaws of defeat for the second consecutive game. After falling behind 28-24 to New England in the Super Bowl, they have the ball at the five-yard line courtesy of a circus catch by WR Jermaine Kearse. We join the team after a time out as QB Russell Wilson jogs into the huddle after talking with the coaching staff on the sidelines.
Russell Wilson: “OK, fellas. Coach has the play for us. Now, remember, dreams . . .
dreams don’t come true. Dreams are MADE true. There’s no this, no that, no the
other. The preparation is in the separation . . . it’s not the –”
Max Unger: “Russell. RUSSELL!”
Wilson: “Yeah?”
Unger: “The play. What’s the play, man?”
Wilson: “Yeah. Right. Power dive to Beast.”
O Line: “Yay!”
Marshawn Lynch: “I’m all ’bout that action, boss.”
Doug Baldwin: “WHAT? GIVE IT TO BEAST MODE?? WHY? I’M ELITE! I’M
NOT PEDESTRIAN! THEY SHOULD GIVE IT TO ME! I POOPED IN THE END
ZONE!”
Wilson: “Hut!”
Lynch gains four yards to the one. Second down, just under a minute to play. The Seahawks are inches away from a second consecutive Super Bowl win.
Unger: “Good job, Beast. Lemme shake your hand.”
Lynch: “One more play. boss. ‘Bout that action.”
Baldwin: “IS THAT PETER KING OVER THERE? HE THINKS I’M
PEDESTRIAN! HE DOESN’T THINK I’M ELITE! I POOPED IN THE END ZONE!
HEY, KING! I’M ELITE!”
O Line: “Beast! Beast! Beast! Beast!”
Lynch: “Stop freakin’! Call Beacon!”
Ricardo Lockette: “Why am I even in the huddle?”
Baldwin: “HEY! JOHN CLAYTON! TELL PETER KING I’M ELITE! I
POOPED IN THE END ZONE! YOU EVER SEE JERRY RICE POOP IN THE END
ZONE? I DON’T THINK SO!”
Wilson: “OK guys, settle down. God is talking to me again in my helmet.”
Unger: “Russell . . . we’ve been over this. That’s not God in your helmet.
It’s Coach Bevell.”
Wilson: “OK, fellas. Bunch right, slant pass to the Rocket.”
Unger: “What?”
Lynch: “What?”
O Line: “What?”
Lockette: “What?”
Baldwin: “WHAT?”
Wilson: “You heard me. Slant to Ricardo. BREAK!”
Seahawks break the huddle. Inexplicably, before the biggest play of the year, Baldwin and Lynch line up on the wrong side of the formation. Lynch notices and begins gesturing to Wilson.
Lynch: “Psst! Russell!”
Wilson: “Is that you, God?”
Lynch: “No, man. It’s Beast. Me and Doug ‘sposed to be on the left.”
Wilson: “Oh, yeah. Get over there. Hey Doug! Motion to the other
side.”
Baldwin: “WAIT. ARE YOU TELLING ME WHAT TO DO? I KNOW
WHAT TO DO! I’M AN ELITE RECEIVER!”
Baldwin jogs past Wilson.
Baldwin: “I POOPED IN THE END ZONE!”
Malcolm Butler: “Hey . . . wait a second. THIS is the formation Coach B
told me about. When he was screaming at me and telling me I’d better not let them
score on this play or he’d slice my arm off. These guys are gonna run a slant in front of
me.”
Brandon Browner: “Why don’t you say that a little louder? I don’t think they
heard you.”
Butler: “Don’t worry. I think they’re committed.”
Tom Cable: “Pete! Why are we lined up like we’re gonna pass?”
Carroll: “Wasn’t that sunset last night beautiful?”
Cable: “Bevell! Why are we lined up like we’re gonna…”
Wilson: “Set . . .Hut!”
Everyone not named
Carroll, Bevell, Wilson: “What the hell?”
Wilson: “Touchdown! Second Super Bowl ring! Here we go!”
Lockette: “I got thisOOOF!”
Astro Jetson: “Ruh roh!”
Butler: “No you don’t!”
Lynch: “Dammit.”
Unger: “Dammit.”
O Line: “Dammit.”
Baldwin: “IF WE RUN A PASS PLAY HERE WE SHOULD RUN
IT TO AN ELITE RECEIVER LIKE ME! I WAS READY TO DROP ANOTHER
DEUCE!”
On the sidelines, the stunned coaching staff confers.
Bevell: “Pete . . . you’re gonna take the heat for this. Right?”
Carroll: “Yeah . . . I’ll get my mommy blogger friend out in Pullman
to write some stuff about how everything is gonna be OK.”
Cable: “I’m gonna eat everything in sight. Gain 50 pounds. And
punch someone right in the damn mouth.”
Bevell: “Ricardo! How come you didn’t try harder to catch that
pass?”
Lockette: “WHAT?!”
Wilson: “Hey, Coach! What time does the plane leave? I can’t wait
to get home and study film to see what happened. Let’s meet at 4 a.m.!”
Carroll: “Win forever!”
FADE TO BLACK
26 Comments
This was not even remotely funny
Gas got the essence right. Baldwin is a classless act.
if it wasn’t funny, it’s only because it might be true…
Not even just a tiny bit?
i like the conspiracy theory to elevate russell wilson better: http://www.thenation.com/blog/196697/conspiracy-theory-surrounding-seahawks-last-play
Now there’s some crap . . .
always compete!
Gonna be a long offseason. The only way to shut the haters up is to do what the Patriots almost did but failed and that’s go undefeated and win the Super Bowl. If they stay healthy they can do it.
Well done! As sad as it was, at least he found some humour in Baldwin’s tacky act. I don’t object to dumping, shixxing, crapping on Baldwin at this point, as he gets what his classless butt deserves. I suggest Dougie take a few lessons from Wilson, Sherman, Thomas, Chancellor or most of the rest of the team.
All I can say is if you’re going to pass down there, it HAS to be the roll-out option, period.
A fade to the edges of end zone can work too, and better avoids an INT.
In the old days a call like that was referred to as a “Chuck Knox brain cramp.
A pass in the circumstance can be justified: The kind of pass and the target can’t.
As painful as it was to read it, you gotta see the twisted humor in it. Bottom line guys, is that, I don’t think more than a handful of people in Hawk Nation would have run that EXACT play, it was VERY poorly executed route by Lockette and bad pass by Wilson. If executed properly, it’s a TD. Both Hugh Millen on KJR and Kurt Warner on NFL Network hit the nail on the head with the play by the Hawks. It’s an extremely painful mistake by the boys. Also, keep in mind that Lynch ran the ball from the 1 yd line 5 times this past season and he scored once. So it was not a ‘gimme’ by any means he would have scored. I would like to believe he would have gotten in, but you never know. But onward and forward to 2015. Just gotta give the players and coaches some time to sort through the entire process and get rested, then we turn the book over to next year.
As I’ve mentioned, my questions are two: Why a slant, and why Lockette.
What is done, is done.
In the Super Bowl game, the big moment came
And the Seahawks were ready to win.
Had a run been the call
Their confetti would fall;
But that slant was the ultimate sin.
It’s over and done, no trophy was won;
The players have all gone away.
What lingers around
Is that terrible sound
Of a train wreck from one awful play.
The play was apparently inspiring to more than Gas.
It’s too bad that SB 49 will be remembered for that play rather than Jerome Kearse’s miraculous catch or the heroic efforts of the LOB. But if any team can keep it from defining them, it’s the Seahawks. Looking forward to the next chapter…
Well, there’s two minutes of my life I won’t get back.
¯_(ツ)_/¯
waaaah, lol
FUNNY FUNNY! That said most of us can only aspire to think and follow through like Pete and RW
Wow, has so much been written about “why did they call that play” that its come down to crap??
Gas is trying to lighten the mood, Dave. A heavy lift for all.
Fair enough, Art. I guess my comment was a bit harsh. My apologies Mr. Gastineau.
Some people need to lighten up. Relax. It’s okay to poke fun once in a while.